SPEECH ;)

I know a promised a post with my supposed-to-be speech during my party but thinking it through.... There's just no way i will be able to say then what i am going to say now.... and besides I think this words are the ones you just don’t say at your own party. plus I think it is too long for that too! xD

So instead let me just give you my thoughts on being who I am right now.

Let me start by saying… growing up wasn’t easy for me. The past 18 years of my life has not been all peachy. It was tough growing up for me for a lot of different reasons… Growing up I always felt inadequate. not enough. insecure. but I think that’s typical I guess… specially when you’re a middle child. How not easy for you to get the same recognition your elder siblings get for the same achievement… or how your little brother can always be more cute than you were and how he’s supposed to be young-and-you-have- to-understand-him-always. I mean you know those kinds of things… like any middle child.. I had to grow with that… That’s why if I was good at school or at anything else… that’s because I need to be. I have to be. it wasn’t really an option you know… another reason why it’s tough growing up for me was… I wasn’t really pretty. and I’m not just saying that to get compliments but really. I wasn’t pretty. I was cute when I was a toddler but I was cranky. and as you know elementary days was just blah. to make it worse… my siblings look good. people, when they see my siblings, go like “you’re soooooo pretty/ handsome” and when they see me they go awkward and just say “you look like your dad a lot huh?” sometimes.. my mother would just say it out front you know… not even joking about this! but then things got better when I was a little older and I started to know Christ more.. How he loves me so much and how He doesn’t care how I look like or where I’m good at… I started feeling better about myself… He told me that things will be ok, better even. Trust in Him and He will do the work.

“Be still and know that I am God” – Psalms 46:10

I thought I could live out a normal life from then… it wasn’t because I don’t have a normal life but I always feel like I have to grow up faster than everybody else just to be able to keep up you know… Just as I thought I could finally slow down a bit… Our family had to move. across the continent… from south east asia to west asia. DOHA. I was 13 when we moved. 13. I wasn’t a kid anymore but I am certainly not grown up yet. My life was just starting and then.. BOOM. new everything. I was in highschool. Elementary was bad for me so I was really waiting for High school to come and then. we move. just like that. little did I know… Doha has been a great thing. Life was easy… making friends was easier since I was in a Philippine School and everyone is just like me. alien. I met great friends and had a lot of first time experiences. Then… all of a sudden God revealed to us why we need to do Doha…. I was 15 when my Dad was diagnosed with cancer. I mean it’s not the first time one of our family members get sick.. When I was a kid my mom used to get sick a lot too… She had to go through multiple surgeries… We were always at the hospital and all that.. that’s also why I never had any other dream besides being a doctor… but this was new to us in a sense that it’s my Dad getting severely sick… My dad never gets that occasional sickness you know. he is healthy. strong. but it happened. He had to go through chemotherapy and radiation therapy. and Thank the Lord he got better right in time before I had to leave them to go to college. Another zoom for me! xD I know kids normally go away for college and all that but don’t you think I was a little younger for this? I was still 15 when I first set my foot on the university. With my family miles and miles away from me . I had to live with my grandparents at our brand new house then… so another new everything for me! to make it even challenging home and school was an hour and a half away. great right? Though going home or going back was a step forward.. it was more of like a setback for me… but of course.. things got better. if there’s anything I learned in life… it’s that one. things get better. they always do. I had friends and family! I forgot to mention that when I said everything new for me… it included the church. I wasn’t able to go to the church we always went to when I was a kid… instead I went to my grandmother’s church.. the one my mom grew up in… people knew me still but I didn’t know them. Going back.. I had friends and family! a new set. again. but it was great! but then… issues came up. I can laugh at it now but as a 16 year old dealing with that… that was a lot. specially when my support system was people I met just a few months or weeks ago… That event though, changed a lot… that’s why no matter how funny it is now, it is still included in this. Thankful to God that event happened… It is so true when He said…

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,^[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³ because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. ⁴ Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.- James 1:2

Fast forward a little bit… we finally arrived at my 18th year. I can’t say anything about my 17 well because… I was drowned with never ending school works and I personally decided to lay low with everything as a result to what happened when I was 16… yeah… I can’t be featured with MTV’s “When I was 17” anyway… I had the greatest party of my life. Sure, there was a lot of things that happened that wasn’t in the plan… but STILL. that night.. I felt like a princess. a real one. All my insecurities and what not… I forgot them all… All I felt was happiness and love from all over. The past 17 years has been… so fast. I barely missed it. but it was great. it was great. though sadly… I am back to were I started…

My life is not every time peachy… Just this year… my Dad has been diagnosed again with cancer.. of the lungs this time… and the doctors said a couple of times that it will be much harder this time… and to make everything sooo beautiful… we had to move again! to Canada this time. all part of a grand plan I guess, which will be in another post I had to give up my diploma and everything for this… BUT THEN AGAIN… this is life. THIS IS LIFE. and I just have to make the most out of it… as a book my co-worker shared with me quoted…

this is the beginning of a new day. God has given me this day to use as I will. I can waste it or grow in its light and be of service to others. But what i do with this day is important because i have exchanged a day of my life for it. When tomorrow comes, today will be gone forever. I hope I will not regret the price i paid for it. - anonymous

and though I really believe I grew up differently than everybody else…. I mean I constantly said that all through out didn’t i? I am just like everyone… We are all the same. and cue the song.

We're the same, we're all the same Everyone's a roaming soul and we don't have the strength to change Who we are, cause who we are can only be changed by grace And I have I've had my Sunday morning, had mercy call my name We're all the same until we look at the Saviour's face ;)

There it is folks! Not even sorry that it was a long read because I swear that is not everything yet…. if there is something you have to get from this… I would like it to be this….

actually I’m having a hard time giving you something you can take home with you.. but that I guess is exactly my point… We all have different struggles in life… The question is never which one is harder yours or mine but… who handled their struggles better… who plans on surviving it and who plans to just give up… who failed and who succeeded is not a question too because… we can never really know that.. We will never know what tomorrow may bring so for now…

Just live your life. Have faith! Things get better, they always do. OWN every moment and situation. always choose to learn it the easy way… Focus on what’s going to last… Have someone to remind you the lessons you chose to forget. Keep moving forward! ALWAYS give your 100%. Never miss out on anything. Use regrets as reminders. STAY POSITIVE!

Let your thoughts get you everywhere. Consider every possibility. Never be afraid to trust and love. Appreciate EVERYTHING.

BE STILL AND KNOW THAT HE IS GOD :)

♥~yeye~♥