if onLy i kNew

i dont knOw why i'm writing a bLog right nOw.. i didn't even think that i can write a blog.. actually i dont think i can do anything at this point of time.. all i want to do is to disappeaR and wisHed i haD never exisTed.. you mighT saY that my sOrrOw is tO exaGerated buT that is reaLLy trUe.. the reasoN behind iT.. broKen hearT.. faiLed expectatiOns, regreTs.. aNd sO mucH mOre..

brokeN hearT.. weeKs agO.. i decided tO end somethiNg i didn'T think will have a greaT effect on me toDay.. yuP i knOw that this coulD be oNe of my greaTest regreT.. i'M feeLing sO dOwn todaY.. i dOnT tHinK i have tHe strengtH tO coNtinUe.. i woulD never trY tO deNy that he used to be my life and if he ever lefT me i wouLd die.. buT i never thOugHt that he is sTiLL gOing tO be mY liFe aNd todaY i just feeL like dyiNg.. i wisHed i jusT chOse tO beaR aLL tthe pain aNd coNtinUe everytHing witH hiM.. aT firsT reaLLY i waS tHinKing that tHis is nOtHiNg.. becaUse i didn'T feLt the feeliNg i haD witH mY ex boyfriend.. buT tOdaY i proVed mYseLf wroNg..

i feLt tHe exaCt saMe pain i feLt aGes agO.. i even believe i felT greaTer.. wiTh tHe tiMe we spenT toGeTher iTs jUsT ofFiciaLLy 6 moNtHs buT we haVe beeN friends aLmosT a yeaR.. but thaT doesn'T counT oK iT does.. cOmpaRed to tHe time i have spEnt wiTh mY ex-bOYfriend.. whIch is definitelY triple that tiMe with him.. but sTiLL it hurTs mOre... thE waY i saW him tOdaY iTs jusT diFferenT thaN tHe waY i remember hiM... i never saw him like this.. toDay i saw him as the the biggesT regreT of my liFe.. i thOught he toOk mE for granTed but the waY i see i was the oNe whO toOk him for granTed..  i'M in paiN.. aNd thats oK.. paiN is inevitaBle.. i'LL never Be miseraBLe.. i may be giving uP tOdaY buT i'M sUre i wiLl be geTTiNg uP tOmorrOw..

tOdaY has beeN a touGh daY fOr me.. seeiNG hiM liKe i've nEver seeN hiM fOr agEs.. seeiNg hiM and feeLinG aLl the paiN... seeiNg hiM like i've never seeN him befOre.. seeiNg him aNd gettiNg the biggesT regreT... oN tOp oF aLL those things that i feLt.. i alsO have faiLed expectatiOns.. liKe i'm nOt incluDed in tHe toP 10.. eii i doNt blame hiM fOr that.. wahahahaha... anYwaY its nOt yeT tOo latE.. i guess.. iTs been reaLLy a bad daY and thinking that iT is septemBer 11.. wahahaha.. haviNg a bad daY tOday dOes maKes sense aFter aLL.! wahahaha wiTh aLL the boMbiNg and the anniversaries and stuFfs.. wahehehehe

sO i guess aFter writiNg this bLog i feeL a lOt beTter.. i wanT hiM tO reaD thIs.. bUt iGuess hE doesn't carE enouGh tO kNow what i'm dOinG.. i wanT tO taLk tO him speciaLLy wiTh his staTus.. now is tHe riGht time tO talK tO me.. yUP.. cOz i reaLLy need tO talK tO hiM.. anD bursT oUT aLL my feeLings.. bUt i jusT caNt dO thaT.. i"m reaLLy nOt entiTled tO.. but if ever he will get a chance to reaD tHis.. remeMber i sTiLL lOve yOu.. i sTiLL dO.. i woUld nEver trY tO denY thaT yOu are stiLL mY life anD nOw tHat yOu haVe lefT me i caN reaLLy die..

Comments

  1. Patch AJanuary 10, 2012 at 3:10 PM

    awwwww... :( ... i guess you understand some of my blogposts too huh...

    ReplyDelete

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