i'm ready.

or not. not really sure. but i want to actually just sit down and type out my thoughts right now...

we are still in this "phase"... the everything is still unpredictable and nothing is really stable kind of phase... we have not yet found a house to put our home in... still jobless as ever... still clueless on what's actually going on with my dad. oh my dad. i actually want to just write how i love my dad so much it pains me to just see him like this. how i could and would trade anything just to see him better...

the only thing that is keeping me sane right now is the fact that i know we are here for a reason and that I know that the story is not yet over... even though i dont clearly know what's happening.. GOD DOES! and that's enough.

also.. i have just finished reading a good book. it's been ages since i last read and finished a book this fast... it was recommended by my cousins.. it's "anna and the french kiss" i was halfway through the book when i realized that i am like anna in some ways... senior and had to move away... only that anna wasn't given the choice...

to be really honest... i am always questioning myself if i had made the right choice. I know i prayed for it and everything BUT. what if.

hay. i have been typing and erasing and typing and erasing. this is the hardest blog yet. i have so much to say but dont know how to put it in words...

i guess all i wanted to do was just scream.. SAVE ME. i dont know where i am but i know i'm no where good or anything close to it... I have been so disconnected lately that i dont know how to get back. I need friends. I need familiar. i guess that's why they always do that something old, something new thing... everything old is just too boring and everything new is just so... freaky...

i'm losing everything.
at least i think i am.

Comments

  1. Patch AJuly 15, 2012 at 2:35 AM

    it's pretty much a fact that life is unstable. as the cliche goes, the only constant thing is change. there will always be unpredictable things. but that's why the counter-cliche that you love saying... "Be still and know that I am God" is perfect for this. while everything else rumbles and falls, you just have to be still so that God can see you amidst it all and He'll clear it all up for you. the real deal is that we don't know exactly what His plans are and why they're happening and that we don't have control over them BUT what we do have control of is our faith in Him, what we do know is that God's plans are always good and that the reason behind every thing is love. He hears your cries mariel and it may be hard and all but you and your family have to pull through because the results He has for you are on the other side.

    Lord, we humbly ask for your steady hand as you lead our thoughts and emotions through this bumpy road called life. We ask that You don't let go of our hands even if we start to break and crumble in the face of pain and sadness. We know God that only You have control of everything and that we may not understand it now but we trust that it will always be for our good no matter what. We pray you strengthen and comfort mariel and her family through all this and an unwavering heart to push through the goal. We ask these in Jesus' name, Amen.

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