you had me at hello :P

You only live once  

Hello :)
:P you just don’t know how that brightens my day… every time…
I intend to say these to you tomorrow… *hopefully* why still post it? Well, since my memory fails me a lot… it would be good to actually write it down… for future references :P why here? I think it’s a good enough story to let the whole world know :D (or just kuya patch, since he’s the only one reading. fair enough kuya patch?) GAME!
let me start by telling how distrustful I am with men. hmmm. MEN. xD haha Well the story goes way beyond when dinosaurs ruled the earth. but seriously… I think everyone knows that story already and I don’t want to really go there again for the nth time haha soo.. let me just say.. I was 15 and somebody told me he love me and I believed him.  (yup, that’s yours taylor swift) annnd. I took his words and I believed in everything he said to me… (fine last na yan, that’s from who knew by pink) SERIOUSLY. tsk. it’s just hard to be serious when you’re typing in this hour with the memory of joe jonas still going around your head.. XD enough commercials. let me get back to my story. So, I just got out of a very bad relationship and to make things worse… It was even followed by a very traumatic event that changed everything. but mostly it just changed my view on MEN. haha so after those two major blows, I became like this. forever searching for love but when I think I found it… I will find a way to actually escape from it and think real hard on how to blame it on my ex. hahahaha xD I KNOW. crazy. So for the past 3 years… whenever I think I am somewhere near that something, I just feel the urge to run away. like seriously, I even changed my number once because of a guy. seriously crazy right. and the worst part is.. I never really did admit to myself that I was the problem.. so crazy. xD Never realized that until that last guy who I really liked and then was gone after a few days just because I think I seriously exhausted him of him always having to prove me that he’s serious with what he was saying…. through him, I finally was able to acknowledge (wow) my problem… though the fact remains that I am still having a hard time believing MEN. hey I’m on my way! hahaha and sa lagay na to.. I am actually better. xD  
PROMISE. this has something to do with YOU. wait lang.. I’m getting there.. (and si kuya patch iniisip kung sino yung YOU. haha) eto na pala. :))
Then YOU came along… To be really honest I was already hearing a lot of rumors that you like me before you actually told me yourself, so I could have already assumed a lot of things and had enough reason to run away from the very moment that you texted me… but I didn’t. I don’t know what exactly it is that I want from you but I just know I have to not run away this time… I was sure during those times that I didn’t like you. just because, how could i? I am so convinced that you and her have something going on and she is just special to me in a very unexplainable way. but then that thursday, when I was really sick, came and all I prayed was for you to text me and how glad I was for you to actually do so, happened… and from then I started to like you… So I knew that texting you and spending time with you is playing with fire. hahahaha that came out weird but I have no better metaphor… MOVING ON. I somehow had justified my behavior towards our thing and how it is that I am ok with it, even with my being so afraid of commitments, not to mention my being so distrustful of men,  by knowing that because you and I are both going away soon… I don’t really have to make an effort to run away this time. hahaha I won’t even need to change my number and so on. (uii si kuya patch nagkaclue :P) BUT THEN… just last week… something happened… I mean… SOMEONE happened. :)) there was this guy, who told me he liked me for almost 2 years now… and the first thing I thought of was to run away. like seriously! I was thinking of ways on how to avoid him, on how to just delete him out of my life. xD not really but I swear it’s that close. xD I hope he doesn’t read this. hahahaha MY POINT IS… my justification of how I am ok with everything is wrong… I mean… isn’t you and him have the same situation.. sure he’s not going away but I still am… and for the most parts I won’t have to change my number if things get too sticky with him I could just unfriend-block him haha but no, I just have to get out of there right away… are you seeing what I am trying to say now? did I somehow at least made a clear point?
I am this fond of you… can’t really say love or anything else yet… and sa lagay na to nga… I trust you this much… just by the thought of me at least thinking about risking something is just a big step already… I just can’t give you exactly what you want but I think I can give away some things… You are special. You are different from all of them… You can make me believe in forever again.. (not saying I will xD ) but there are just so many factors that I think you haven’t thought about and I just can’t let you be no where near the same guy who broke my heart… I want you to be forever? different… Many years from now, I want to still know you as at least the guy who did everything he promise he would… and I just want you to know that it would be really great if many years from now I’d still have you but then let’s really consider the fact that many things could happen in that many years from now :))
I don’t actually know what we are going to come up with later but the whole point of this post is to let you know that… I like you this much. :”> Thank you. for making me less crazy. for liking me even without me trying to make you. It’s one of the best form of flattery they say…. and I really hope that one day we’ll see each other again and just know that we had no regrets  
and fine…. here it is…

fine. you can laugh. just never in my face ok? :)) GAHD. I just said no regrets but I think I’ll regret this… but oh well.. You only live once xD :)))))))) XD