Realities of a Teenage Drama Princess :)

I know I know. I’m getting tired of this myself. This post, as shallow as it may be, is inspired by John Lloyd and Sarah G. A photo from a year ago. I have been trying for weeks now to capture me, the way I used to. I remember having #selfie shots in random places and moments and somehow I am always happy with how I look… Sure, some shots would be annoying but still… lately, I can’t. find. me. in the photo. Something is always off. “parang may kulang eh… wala yung ngiti niyang abot hanggang mata” I tried recreating everything I used to do but nothing worked. nothing. no one. can fill the void. except JESUS CHRIST. until I am fully connected with Him. I won’t experience the joy, peace, LOVE! I felt before. I KNOW. I have said that a million times but it is not quite sinking in. and then… IT’S A CHOICE! nothing’s happening because I am simply waiting. waiting for it to happen. I thought time is all I need. I forgot I had to make a choice. EVERYDAY. I have to…c...

Blog renovations soon! for now.. here's a song... yeah. I love Donnalyn so much i do what she does :))))) though this song speaks to/for me too. sooo.... ITS OK TO CRY! :)

That sinking feeling you get when you dont get what you want... when the things you expected to happen didn't follow through... CHANGE.. nothing in this world is permanent except CHANGE. and The LOVE OF THE LORD. and surprisingly.. after everything that i have been through for the past year... after all the heartaches and tears and disappointments and frustrations and anxiousness... This sundae still tastes the same. This has been... Mcdonald's i'm lovin it! :))))))))))))))))))))

http://someoneyouwillneverbe.blogspot.ca/2011/04/happy-birthday.html I can't live in a world where you and I are not together. and when i say together not together together but together . Happy birthday. Sorry but I am the kind of person whose words are not light. I say things I mean and mean the things that I say... When I said those words 2? years ago I meant those. I told you a lot of times and I will tell it to you today again... You were, are my definition of forever... i told you.. many years from now we'll still be like that. you can ignore me all you want but. you are my bestest friend. you will be one of the person that will come to mind every time i have an accomplishment, trials, heartaches, awesome thoughts and whatnots. i will be wishing in my heart that you will hear me... My words didnt change. my promises still stands.. yours may have faded and may be not applicable anymore but mine still is.. I will always be here so that you know where to find me ;)

PLAY: Part of Me - Katy Perry ~i initially recorded me singing it just to make sure if singing with a stuffed nose would really sound bad. and it did. so just read and sing this with me :)) Days like this I want to drive away|Pack my bags and watch your shadow fade| You chewed me up and spit me out| Like I was poison in your mouth|You took my light, you drained me down |But that was then and this is now|Now look at me|| This is the part of me|That you’re never gonna ever take away from me, no| This is the part of me|That you’re never gonna ever take away from me, no|T hrow your sticks and your stones, throw your bombs and your blows|But you’re not gonna break my soul| This is the part of me|That you’re never gonna ever take away from me, no|| I just wanna throw my phone away|Find out who is really there for me | You ripped me off, your love was cheap| Was always tearing at the seams |I fell deep, you let me down|But that was then and this is now |Now look at me||Now look at me ...

since i still can not find my words... new for me actually because everybody knows i talk a lot. like a lot. i'll just post another video! of what i've been up to lately. well this didnt really take up much of my time... i had a week to prepare and like 10 seconds of the song to dance so... :))))) anyway. here it is!

I am once again in the phase where i am too conscious of what others might think or say about me that's why i can not post anything. i actually have typed a lot of things already but decided to just erase it because of the fear of anybody knowing what's going on. even though i clearly know that kuya patrick is the only one reading this, i can not seem to type anything that is relevant to what's going on with my life because of the fear of having "people" know. this may be too much but i am finding the internet a "not safe" environment. ok. i totally sound like a weirdo now. i guess all i want to say is... I miss blogging.

hahaha i have played this video enough times to actually hear myself. narcissist. :))))) annnndddd. yup. my ate's married. marcus failed me... after i trained him to raise his hand when my tito says... "sinong tutol sa kasal?" why did it went through? :))))))) nahhh kidding aside... i'm really happy for her. :) regrets i wasnt there.. :( and now more than ever i feel pressure!!!! my ate's married. my kuya's married. I'M NEEXXXXXXTTTTTT. *screaming out soo loud you're lucky you're not hearing it*

not with a fizzle but with a bang. ALWAYS with a bang. ;) 2012 came really fassssst. i can't believe i have to write my end of the year conclusions yet again. i think this would be my third. hmm. and to be really honest. i dont even want to write this one. i want to skip this year because 2012 has been. sucky. most of the time. but it would be  a waste now, would it? besides. who cares. i have 2013 in my hands now. and i can feel it in my bones. that 2013 would be the best year ever. ;) without further ado. LEGGO! THANK YOU!!! :) FIRST. to my Lord Jesus Christ . I know i have disappointed you this year on so many things yet you never change. Lord Thank you for everything. from my heart. I know you know how grateful I am. I usually just keep my relationship with you from anyone else just because i am scared they will judge it. but for this moment and for this year... let me just express how grateful i am of you and your love and grace and mercy for me and my family. Thank ...

Overview for the plan for 2012. This year went by sooo fast! i can't even remember most of what happened. XD i can't even remember the things i wrote for things to do this year. xD :)))) anyway. surprisingly enough.. i did most of them i think xD :P COMMENCE YEAR END EVALUATION :) FIRST ! As i promised myself, Tita Liz, Kim and Dane....  I WILL. EAT VEGETABLE s. from now on. I will. I really will. WHATEVER vegetable. i swear. i really will.  GGGAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH  ||> I TOTALLY DID! i am eating bean sprouts on a regular basis now. YAY! :) SECOND !  BE HEALTHY . the complete package. sleeping at the right time, eating the right food at the right time, not eating the wrong food :)) LOL what do i mean by right and wrong food right? :)) ALSO this would have to include... Proper posture, proper weight. THE COMPLETE PACKAGE. ||> fail :( i have the worst posture ever now. xD and sleeping at the right time isn't even an option for me. xD THIRD!   LIVE IT UP ...

song's kinda funny but it's good. i like it so. posting it here because i cant find any lyrics online...  Boyfriend - Raelynn Let's be honest we don't got a lot in common  when it comes down to it You can take his breath away and light up every room  when you walk through it but i don't want your six feet legs and angel face and sophistication don't really wanna cause a scene  but girl you've got everything i want your boyfriend  i'm not gonna lie i'll be his girl  when he tells you goodbye don't worry i wont take him  cause i ain't that low i want your boyfriend  just thought you should know that he and i go back so far oh my gosh  we lived on his first truck first time we heard shania twain **(thanks anonymous!) thinking we're on our way to love but and i know you think he loves you now seen so many girls come in and out this sounds a bit insensitive but the truth is wha...

OH COME ON. she's pulling other people now... that is just so. freaking retarded of her. i wish she have used a really doubtful persons though.. by sending that last message. you have taken this to a whole new level. i hope you know the persons that you are dealing with. Recap: :)))))))) this has been like the really old radio drama or something now. From: +639162696215 To: My Phone Sent: Wed Nov 28 13:49:44 MST 2012 Received: Tue Nov 27 21:52:22 MST 2012 Text: Janice yung name ko From: My Phone To: 011639162696215 Sent: Tue Nov 27 22:14:43 MST 2012 Received: Tue Nov 27 22:14:43 MST 2012 Text: Janice who? Janice de belen? :))) oh yeah naanakan din lang yun di ba?  From: My Phone To: 011639162696215 Sent: Wed Nov 28 01:17:43 MST 2012 Received: Wed Nov 28 01:17:43 MST 2012 Text: Hi janice! someoneyouwillneverbe.blogspot.ca/2012/11/bitch-please.html wrote something about you! :) read it! You're getting famous :) you're welcome!  ******THE NEXT DAY...

is it really so hot in the philippines that people are going crazy over there right now? GAHD. and amidst all of this... i blame the system in the philippines... how easy it is to buy a sim card.. it's making people irresponsible... lashing out on people just because it can't be easily traceable...  i can deal with this person in many different ways.. but i choose this... i am doing this because of the things she is saying about my parents... those are just TOO UNFAIR. and never mind her statements about my boyfriend too. those are so unreal. :)) i know my guy so well. so... here it is guys. COMPLETE TRANSPARENCY. no edits or whatever...  PINK would be me and black would be her. k?  From: +639162696215 To: My Phone Sent: Wed Nov 21 20:15:17 MST 2012 Received: Wed Nov 21 04:17:46 MST 2012 Text: Mariel? From: +639162696215 To: My Phone Sent: Wed Nov 21 20:44:40 MST 2012 Received: Wed Nov 21 04:47:10 MST 2012 Text: Alam mo naman sigur...

“People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.  If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway. If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway. The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway. Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway.  For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.”  ―  Mother Teresa

*better is a one day in your courts, better is a one day in your house, better is a one day in your courts than a thousand else where :) starfield at edmonton was just. amazing. Thank you Lord for these people that you continue to use for your kingdom. :) i can not really go into details now and i'm not exactly sure if i can have them later but one thing is for sure. i wont waste what happened to me that night... I dont want to be away from my Lord again. I dont want to be this. and it is crazy to to expect changes even if i am not doing anything different. so MY LIFE BEGINS TODAY :) shaking out all the bad vibes. shutting down every negativity. LIVING AND LOVING ONE MORE TIME. embracing life. as it is. and this time... it's going to be... I WILL GO! still still but with a little attitude i guess. :)) even if no one follows. To the desperate eyes and reaching hands To the suffering and the lean To the ones the world has cast aside Where you want me I will be ...

This is the part of me that you'll never ever gonna take away from me. BACK TO BLOGGING! :) hmm.. what to write about... i've been gone for so long.. and the last posts were just miserable. i hope i  will never have to do that again in my life! xD update? well... things have been going well... except for so many things but that's just details. healing. :) and for a super weird note... 'somebody that i used to know' is playing. why does everything in my life seem to be all about you, huh? I'M SEEING STARFIELD TOMORROW! :) and i am soooo excited :) forgive me i havent blogged in so long that i forgot how i do it so for now i am just going to type whatever. so sorry, kuya patch and future yeye, you will need to have to endure this :)) i know how important writing stuffs like this because just this week i went through my youtube account and looked over my 'favorite' videos and it felt so good to be watching them all again :) with the phi...

MINE. this is mine. MY OWN personal space. MY WORLD. why should i mind you? so here it goes. AND I SWEAR. even if you arrive with a comeback for this one.. i won't do this again. i just refuse to be this person. so i'll stop. AFTER THIS :P round 2! :D this is just a pity. after all we've been through. and nothing pains me more, oh well except of course the actual things that are happening in my life right now, than us  being this. people who  are too afraid to do what has to be done, like i dont know express how mad? we are at each other?, and instead turn our feelings into nonsense meant-for-someone facebook posts... oh what the hell i'll just say it. I hate you. and though i never say "never again" or such because i dont know what happens tomorrow and I LIKE my WORDS KEPT. i'll say it for you both. NEVER AGAIN. never again will our friendship be like before. NEVER AGAIN would you see me as you saw me before. AND NEVER AGAIN would my trust for...

I AM EVERYTHING YOU ARE NOT, honey ;) and YES, YOU KNOW I AM ;) haha :P if you are going to be two faced. AT LEAST have ONE of them pretty. and promise last na... YOU ARE AS FAKE AS THAT PADDED BRA YOU'RE WEARING. :))))))))))))))))))))

and this, friends, is what he told me. BS. BS everywhere. oh well. PLUS. did you know that the jonas brothers would be in manila this october... my reaction if this happened last year. *_* BUT since it's this year... T_T WHHHHYYYYYYYYYY. i am still marrying nick jonas though. :P HAHAHAHAHAHAH #crazy #delusional #pathetic #bitter

"we cant be friends anymore" those are not the exact words but those are the only thing i can amount it to...  i just thought that... well i guess not.  it's just that... i really really loathe broken promises. i wasn't prepared for it to be coming from you too... and you. i hope you're finally happy with this. you won. in a game that i dont even want to play.  it's just so heartbreaking. everything is...  :(  HOW? and WHY NOW?