Realities of a Teenage Drama Princess :)

Here's a lesson that took me months to learn. BUT TODAY. I am standing up.. BEING FIRM. that THIS IS NOT WORTH IT. So here's to me. SAYING. I NEED A HAIRCUT. because yet again... What's a new leap without a haircut? kaya mo to. mariel. You're blessed. You're God's princess. You're stronger than this. You're loved. You're NOT ALONE. You're worth it. You're ENOUGH. You're beautiful. You're favored. You ARE MORE. :)

This was me, almost 2 years ago. Hopeful. Confident. Assured. In love. Hopeful. I told myself, (and everybody there), that I AM SURE it will be GREAT because God wrote it because God made it happened... what gives? what changed? So this is me.. reminding myself of me. and reminding everyone that we dont know where the story ends but everything is going to be alright because He wrote it...

I havent blogged in a while... havent felt the urge in a while... but finally sitting down writing everything out.. there's so much going on right now i dont even know where to begin... -it IS a special day today.. BIG DAY! lots of stuff going on.. CSMLS, HIMYM, BOMEB and hopefully at the end of this post I'll be able to get them all... FIRST CSMLS. I PASSED!!!! I seriously didnt think I would pass it the first time... I wasnt prepared enough that's what I thought... I didnt know the answer for half of the questions. I know, I have those moments of doubts for every single test but for this one... I was sure to fail... I even prepared a big speech for everyone just in case they asked me... but when I opened the letter... I PASSED. ALL Glory to God there! He has not forgotten about me yet. SECOND HIMYM. to the sitcom that I watched and loved from the very first season... It finally has come to its end.. I have been seeing a lot of hate posts.. but for me... I have love...

This one is for you. FOREVER AND ALWAYS. I’m Writing You A Letter You Will Never Read MAR. 25, 2014   By  SUSIE COLEMAN I stopped checking my post when I realized that each envelope I received through the door would not be from the person that I desperately wanted to hear from. You were that person. With every clunk of the mailbox, every expectant shuffle through the bills, one letter was always missing. I realized though, that I had never sent one to you. Many times, I turned over a new page of the notepad whilst my hands shook, staining ink on my hands. My hands were stained with the ghosts of words that I wanted you to read but I never knew what they were. I felt that I should write you a book but it would be plotless. Still, each day I waited. But now I know that each day when your mailbox turns up empty, you would not look for my scrawl on some tattered envelope. But there never were words to describe you. You occupied the liminal spac...

He knows my name, He knows my every thought, He sees each tear that falls and He hears me when I call... From those simple truths, I find comfort and peace... My God knows me... He hears me, he listens. HE KNOWS... Jesus wants our faith to go a step higher again... He wants us to COMPLETELY surrender. I guess that's what he wanted from us in the beginning but I believe he is just making it clear now... I still believe that He will do great things for my dad... But to be honest, I am scared... because we are now at unpaved roads... with no more checkpoints, no more signs to follow, only with a light to look forward to... Our hope wasn't in the meds to begin with.. Our hope is in Christ alone.. Daddy, I know you're just right there but I am too chicken to say this to you... It pains me to see you like this, but I am not ready to give you to Jesus just yet... We still have a lot to do.. We still have to go to korea, have you marry mama in a church, dance at my wedding,...

Is it just me or the world is spinning faster than it should be? Another end-of-the-year post right here folks! That was pretty quick don't you think? and why the sweet am i rhyming? :))))  it's been too loooonng since i last posted anything... have been busy with school and work and all those stuff in between ;) BUT i wouldn't want to miss the opportunity to thank EVERYONE for this great year!  2013 WAS AMAZING! i met a lot. gained a lot. learned a lot. 2013 was A BLAST! OK! so let me just start my thankyous and i feel like it will be a long one this year :))  FIRST! (always first) JESUS! thank you Father for everything that you have done for me this past year.. thank you for YC! thank you for Your LOVE! Thank you for ALL the blessings. for your never ending grace. Thank you for instilling to me that NOTHING can separate me from YOUR LOVE. It's never ending. Your love never fails Lord. (I have a lot more to say but I'll just go over to the next :P...

i dont know if its S.A.D. but nevertheless.. whenever i am sad. feels like i am being cheated by life. feels all alone and have absolutely no one... i remember you. regardless. and i always tear up every time. still. regardless.

bear with me as this will be a little appreciation post for 3 of my best friends :) why? because i feel like it. HAHAHAHAHA well actually.. because i am in a life changing situation right now and I need them. To tell you honestly, my best friend story all came from a very funny story. FIRST. :) panget. :P Jan Nikko Dapitin :) He was my classmate back in highschool. Never really knew when we became best friends. I think it was between those Y!m conversations and the long phone calls we had. The funny story? Well we became close because of a girl. hahaha typical right? But what i really remember when i hear his name is that he is the one who made me feel that i still have something back in manila. The hardest part of moving is knowing that while you are missing the persons you left, they're probably not missing you as much and that they could go on while you are stuck alone. Thanks to him, i didn't feel that much. :) We don't always talk but that doesn't make hi...

Hey hey ;) so yeaaaaaah. Time went by so fast I woke up this morning and it was August 1st. It only means one thing! My July Bus Pass is expired!!! oh and yeah. My birthday's coming up! I can't believe it. I will be 20 years old in a few days time. That's a big number. WHOAH. I mean two DECADES already? oh man. that was fast. I can't even remember doing a lot to be honest. and that was 20 years already? xD Being 20 freaks me out. O.o anyway.. since this year is a special one for me, As I say goodbye to my teenage years... (and teenage dream played instantly in my head), I would like to make a 20 year old plan that I will look back on before I turn 21! I was too devastated last year to even bother and to make a big fuss how 19 is going to be my last teen year so I am doing it now since, hey, you are not really allowed to marry on your own without parental consent until you are 21... so technically, 20 is still considered dependent. 21 is when you are really free ...

from now on it's this... In a brief conversation, a man asked a woman he was pursuing the question: “What kind of man are you looking for?” She sat quietly for a moment before looking him in the eye & asking, ‘Do you really want to know?’ Reluctantly, he said,”Yes.” She began to expound… “As a woman in this day & age, I am in a position to ask a man what can you do for me that I can’t do for myself? I pay my own bills. I take care of my household without the help of any man…or woman for that matter. I am in the position to ask, ‘What can you bring to the table?’” The man looked at her. Clearly he thought that she was referring to money. She quickly corrected his thought & stated, “I am not referring to money. I need something more. I need a man who is striving for excellence in every aspect of life.” He sat back in his chair, folded his arms, & asked her to explain. She said, “I need someone who is striving for excellence mentally because I need conversation &...

Brad Pitt about His Wife A Secret of Love My wife got sick. She was constantly nervous because of problems at work, personal life, her failures and problems with children. She has lost 30 pounds and weighted about 90 pounds in her 35 ye ... ars. She got very skinny, and was constantly crying. She was not a happy woman. She had suffered from continuing headaches, heart pain and jammed nerves in her back and ribs. She did not sleep well, falling asleep only in the morning and got tired very quickly during the day. Our relationship was on the verge of break up. Her beauty was leaving her somewhere, she had bags under her eyes, she was poking her head, and stopped taking care of herself. She refused to shoot the films and rejected any role. I lost hope and thought that we’ll get divorced soon… But then I decided to act on it. After all I’ve got the most beautiful woman on the earth. She is the ideal of more than half of men and women on earth, and I was the one allowed to fall asleep ...

I GOT THE KEY! yeaaaaaaaah. so i promised myself i would never go on facebook up until i am able to type down my experience. I am able to do it for 2 days now what is another hour or so. Before anything else, i just know that YC is gonna blow me away. I mean it is a YOUTH CONFERENCE for ALBERTA! not just edmonton but alberta! i know it is going to be HUGE! but i didnt expect it to be 11,000 people huge!  so yeah before the event.... i got a haircut! how is this relevant to the whole yc thing? because. what is a defining moment without a haircut right? and i knew that the theme for this year is "THIS IS LOVE" which is perfect for me.. because i somehow lost my definition of love... I have been disconnected to the real source of love and i just couldnt find my way back. I have always believed that whatever I do would mean NOTHING if i dont have love. Love is a powerful thing. and a few days back, i dont know what happened to me and i did a terrible thing that i am not p...

I know I know. I’m getting tired of this myself. This post, as shallow as it may be, is inspired by John Lloyd and Sarah G. A photo from a year ago. I have been trying for weeks now to capture me, the way I used to. I remember having #selfie shots in random places and moments and somehow I am always happy with how I look… Sure, some shots would be annoying but still… lately, I can’t. find. me. in the photo. Something is always off. “parang may kulang eh… wala yung ngiti niyang abot hanggang mata” I tried recreating everything I used to do but nothing worked. nothing. no one. can fill the void. except JESUS CHRIST. until I am fully connected with Him. I won’t experience the joy, peace, LOVE! I felt before. I KNOW. I have said that a million times but it is not quite sinking in. and then… IT’S A CHOICE! nothing’s happening because I am simply waiting. waiting for it to happen. I thought time is all I need. I forgot I had to make a choice. EVERYDAY. I have to…c...

Blog renovations soon! for now.. here's a song... yeah. I love Donnalyn so much i do what she does :))))) though this song speaks to/for me too. sooo.... ITS OK TO CRY! :)

That sinking feeling you get when you dont get what you want... when the things you expected to happen didn't follow through... CHANGE.. nothing in this world is permanent except CHANGE. and The LOVE OF THE LORD. and surprisingly.. after everything that i have been through for the past year... after all the heartaches and tears and disappointments and frustrations and anxiousness... This sundae still tastes the same. This has been... Mcdonald's i'm lovin it! :))))))))))))))))))))

http://someoneyouwillneverbe.blogspot.ca/2011/04/happy-birthday.html I can't live in a world where you and I are not together. and when i say together not together together but together . Happy birthday. Sorry but I am the kind of person whose words are not light. I say things I mean and mean the things that I say... When I said those words 2? years ago I meant those. I told you a lot of times and I will tell it to you today again... You were, are my definition of forever... i told you.. many years from now we'll still be like that. you can ignore me all you want but. you are my bestest friend. you will be one of the person that will come to mind every time i have an accomplishment, trials, heartaches, awesome thoughts and whatnots. i will be wishing in my heart that you will hear me... My words didnt change. my promises still stands.. yours may have faded and may be not applicable anymore but mine still is.. I will always be here so that you know where to find me ;)

PLAY: Part of Me - Katy Perry ~i initially recorded me singing it just to make sure if singing with a stuffed nose would really sound bad. and it did. so just read and sing this with me :)) Days like this I want to drive away|Pack my bags and watch your shadow fade| You chewed me up and spit me out| Like I was poison in your mouth|You took my light, you drained me down |But that was then and this is now|Now look at me|| This is the part of me|That you’re never gonna ever take away from me, no| This is the part of me|That you’re never gonna ever take away from me, no|T hrow your sticks and your stones, throw your bombs and your blows|But you’re not gonna break my soul| This is the part of me|That you’re never gonna ever take away from me, no|| I just wanna throw my phone away|Find out who is really there for me | You ripped me off, your love was cheap| Was always tearing at the seams |I fell deep, you let me down|But that was then and this is now |Now look at me||Now look at me ...

since i still can not find my words... new for me actually because everybody knows i talk a lot. like a lot. i'll just post another video! of what i've been up to lately. well this didnt really take up much of my time... i had a week to prepare and like 10 seconds of the song to dance so... :))))) anyway. here it is!

I am once again in the phase where i am too conscious of what others might think or say about me that's why i can not post anything. i actually have typed a lot of things already but decided to just erase it because of the fear of anybody knowing what's going on. even though i clearly know that kuya patrick is the only one reading this, i can not seem to type anything that is relevant to what's going on with my life because of the fear of having "people" know. this may be too much but i am finding the internet a "not safe" environment. ok. i totally sound like a weirdo now. i guess all i want to say is... I miss blogging.

hahaha i have played this video enough times to actually hear myself. narcissist. :))))) annnndddd. yup. my ate's married. marcus failed me... after i trained him to raise his hand when my tito says... "sinong tutol sa kasal?" why did it went through? :))))))) nahhh kidding aside... i'm really happy for her. :) regrets i wasnt there.. :( and now more than ever i feel pressure!!!! my ate's married. my kuya's married. I'M NEEXXXXXXTTTTTT. *screaming out soo loud you're lucky you're not hearing it*